For you, my dear friend.

I miss her.

She's always there right by my side, regardless of anything.

She is kind, the kindest person I have ever met.

She has her flaws, I know, but so does everyone.

She is a great friend, a great partner, a divine soul.

And I love her so much.

I see her as my sister, a small child, trying to survive in this horrible world.

And I see myself as her elder sister, giving her guidance, teaching her every single thing I know, so that she would survive.

It has been years since we've seen each other, and I always knew this will happen.

We hadn't talked because we were too busy with our lives, but when we finally talk, it's as if that year of silence never exists.

And now a part of me is crying out for her, to finally meet her, to share my journey, to make her experience my world.

And I'm here. Struggling. Wanting to go home. And missing everyone back home.

xo Steph

Read More

I'm back. This time I'm gonna finish it.

Hi! How are y'all doing?
I've been MIA lately. NO excuses, I am too fucking lazy lol.

I have so much thoughts to share. I've learnt a lot in these few months. Like, really a lot.

I'm gonna update later, I hope what I've learnt could be helpful in every ways, and help y'all realize few things

Something has been bugging me all this time. If you have read my very very old post about exercising, I was head over heels on working out and living healthy. And I stopped.

I never discussed on why I quit. But here's why:

1. I'm just TOO OBSESSED. 

I get sad and depressed really easy when I ate unhealthy stuff. I couldn't get over my habit of eating whatever is in front of me. And i was just... Mad. A small thing like eating 2 packs of popcorn ruined my day. I know it is not good for me. I realized that I was getting to obsessed into perfection each day. I was being too hard on myself; not accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes, including myself (YES I look up on my self way too high). And in the end, I quit. Because I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand being so "fragile" and "imperfect" and just plain stupid.

2. I have other priorities. 

When I get my baby pug, Chloe, everything changes. My top priority is her. Taking care of her is my highest priority; ensuring that she is safe and sound. I stop exercising to spend more time with her, I skipped classes because I'm worried that I will leave her for too long, I stopped literally everything so that she will be happy. She was just 6 weeks old when I first got her, and I never regret the decisions I made. She is the source of joy and happiness in my life.

3. I'm LAZY

Yes. I am VERY lazy. I'm literally a sloth. An antisocial sloth. A stupid, self-absorbed, selfish, sarcastic sloth who thinks too much. And I'm not ashamed in any way possible.

These are not my excuses. It is my decision to quit and I'm not blaming everyone. For once, I'm trying to understand.

So. Not exercising and living healthy has A LOT of impacts. Like seriously.
I was happier when I exercise, I'm less sarcastic, and I always have this refreshing feel in my body after I exercised. I was more confident and understanding. And less mood-swing.

I miss that Stephanie. I miss her. 

So 3 days ago, I declared that I will start exercising, living healthy, and finish what I started. This time I'm gonna get my 10% body fat and be toned and get abs. I will not stop when I nearly finished again. I'm gonna effin finish it. I promise.

I also promise that I will not be obsessed, I will admit that I make mistakes, and I learn from my mistakes. I will not be a sloth. I will still take care of Chloe and actually care about my studies. I will.

And if one day, I want to quit, I will read this post, and I will continue whatever I'm doing. I will finish this.

This is my resolution, not my goal. I will always keep it.

And my dream body:



Doutzen Kroes in 2012 VS show. Source


So, good luck to YOU who are starting over like I do. Good luck to those that are working out and living healthy. Good luck to everyone who are just starting. We're in this together dude.

xo Steph

Read More