Pursuing Happiness, Finding Purpose

Journey of my life. Beata Sum.

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Saturday, April 13, 2013

I don't give a sh*t.



Everyone is different and we all have our own uniqueness. What I am sad about is people who undermines their uniqueness and actually hated it because of the society. So what is a society? Who are they? Top fashion designers, millionaires, big companies? What gives them the right to dictate what we should and shouldn't do?
We all must appreciate what has been given for us. We have our own unique personalities, our characteristics. Humans are too complicated to be put into a box and categorized. Of course we have our own weaknesses and strengths, but many of us has only recognized our weaknesses and not appreciate our strengths. 
It seems like we have too many weaknesses that our strength seemed so irrelevant and meaningless.
Be grateful for what you've been given, even for your weaknesses. We are not obliged to be perfect all the time. We don’t even need to be perfect. We tried to change ourselves to be like someone else but it all ends in vain as we are not supposed to be someone else.
We forget that most of the times changing is not the solution to our problem and insecurities, but looking at the bright side does. 
Appreciate our strengths, our talent, our value, our sense of humor, our quirkiness, us. You are special, you are talented, and you are beautiful. And society’s biggest fear is you knowing that, because if you know the society will no longer have power over us. Don’t give in to society and you’d live a better life.

xo, Steph


Depression sucks.


Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I've last posted. Yes my life has been hectic and I really don't want to waste your (and  my) time about how my life has been. It's a roller coaster ride and I'm just trying to get a grip of everything.

Well I was in a 3months holiday and it was one of the best times of my life. I had reunited with my family after a long time (1 year plus) and to be honest it was really tough at first, but then I started accepting it and things just get better :).

Now that I'm back in Malaysia, things are getting rough. I miss my family, I miss my home and the simplicity of it, I miss my dog, I miss the food, and most of all, I miss my friends. It kind of hit me so hard that I was really sad and fell into depression again.

It's not my first time facing depression and I can tell you that it doesn't get easier everytime i fell into depression. Let me just sum how I'm feeling most of the time: shitty, no desire to do anything, no motivation or whatsoever, losing interest on many things, started to be antisocial again, pessimistic towards everything, and most of all, ungrateful.

I've been in a really dark place lately and I seem to not be able to get away from it. It just torments me in a way that I questioned why the hell am I doing here. I just can't stand it. Negativity is all over the place and to be honest it really breaks me apart.

To smile everyday and pretend that nothing happened is not that hard since I was good at it. But once I'm home alone I'd be crushed. I am tired of everything and I can't see myself facing what's ahead of me.

This is going to be an experience for me and I can assure everyone that I will get back to my optimistic self in no time, since I've always dealt with this on my own. I guess I just need to sort a few things out :)

I can tell you that what keeps me going is my passion to be fit and healthy every single day. I went to gym and beat the shit out of myself 5 days a week and to see how I progress everyday is mindblowing and helps me get through the day :)


xo, Steph.

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