Well I was in a 3months holiday and it was one of the best times of my life. I had reunited with my family after a long time (1 year plus) and to be honest it was really tough at first, but then I started accepting it and things just get better :).
Now that I'm back in Malaysia, things are getting rough. I miss my family, I miss my home and the simplicity of it, I miss my dog, I miss the food, and most of all, I miss my friends. It kind of hit me so hard that I was really sad and fell into depression again.
It's not my first time facing depression and I can tell you that it doesn't get easier everytime i fell into depression. Let me just sum how I'm feeling most of the time: shitty, no desire to do anything, no motivation or whatsoever, losing interest on many things, started to be antisocial again, pessimistic towards everything, and most of all, ungrateful.
I've been in a really dark place lately and I seem to not be able to get away from it. It just torments me in a way that I questioned why the hell am I doing here. I just can't stand it. Negativity is all over the place and to be honest it really breaks me apart.
To smile everyday and pretend that nothing happened is not that hard since I was good at it. But once I'm home alone I'd be crushed. I am tired of everything and I can't see myself facing what's ahead of me.
This is going to be an experience for me and I can assure everyone that I will get back to my optimistic self in no time, since I've always dealt with this on my own. I guess I just need to sort a few things out :)
I can tell you that what keeps me going is my passion to be fit and healthy every single day. I went to gym and beat the shit out of myself 5 days a week and to see how I progress everyday is mindblowing and helps me get through the day :)
xo, Steph.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Depression sucks.
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